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Zombies invade Columbia, march down Broadway

Saturday, October 31, 2009 | 5:08 p.m. CDT; updated 7:14 p.m. CST, Monday, November 2, 2009
Zombies wait for their cue as part of Columbia Access Television's COMO Zombie Walk television event on Saturday. Joel Shettlesworth (lower left) led the onslaught of zombies, which overran the station and ate anchor Chase Thompson.

COLUMBIA — When Andy Neitzert visited Grand Rapids, Mich., on business, he got to participate in a community-building event — a zombie walk.

"The fact that an event this odd could bring all kinds of people together is always a great thing,” Neitzert said.

What to know during a zombie attack

1. Always have a full tank of gas: You never know when you might need to make a quick getaway to another town. You do not want to be stuck pumping gas at the Break Time with packs of zombies stumbling around.

2. Get target practice in from time to time: Go to the gun range while there aren't zombies invading your home.

3. Have something available to quietly pass the time: One of the hardest things to overcome during an outbreak is boredom. The unaffected get pretty anxious staying in one place.

4. Be prepared to live off the land: All right, so it's been months and you're still alive. Congratulations! The stores are out of food and zombies have pitched camp in the middle of town. It's time to start getting back to nature. You're going to need to know how to hunt and find shelter for yourself. I would recommend watching a few seasons of Man vs. Wild. Bear Grylls knows what's up.

5. Have the supplies necessary to board up windows and doors: Ideally, you would want to use bricks and quick dry cement to block off windows. If these supplies are not available, use wood and roofing nails to completely cover all exits.

6. Have a science lab at your disposal: It sounds difficult, yes, but might be well worth it. Most experts agree that a highly infectious virus will cause the outbreak. Hey, somebody has to come up with the anti-virus.

7. Last Rights: Nobody survives a zombie invasion – nobody: The sooner you accept this fact and make peace with your untimely demise the sooner the director can have his final scare that kills off you and the remainder of your party, thus ending the flick and cutting directly to credits backed up by generic death-metal.

8. Zombie bites are always infectious: No matter what you do — even if you pour bleach over the wound — you will not be cured.

9. Zombies can withstand terrific trauma: So basically they can fall out of five-story buildings without feeling an ounce of pain. Doctors should definitely investigate this phenomenon.

10. Don’t get sentimental, zombies won’t: Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends yesterday. But today you are nothing but food to them.

Information compiled through zombie fan blogs and "The Zombie Survival Guide"


Related Media

Neitzert works at Columbia Access Television, which sponsored a zombie walk Saturday night along with Ragtag Cinema. At 6:30 p.m., participants met at CAT, at 1405 E. Broadway, to put on their makeup. At 8:30 p.m. they walked to Ragtag Cinema, at 10 Hitt St., acting as zombies.

Neitzert plans to continue the zombie walk next Halloween.

A book titled "The Zombie Survival Guide," written by Max Brooks, gives advice on how to protect yourself from a zombie outbreak. There are many recommendations and tips that include illustrations, and Neitzert keeps a copy on his toilet.

Brooks defines “zombie” as an animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh.

“We would be so lucky if an outbreak occurs,” Neitzert said.

 

 


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