LETTER: The new Columbia has no use for benches

Friday, September 3, 2010 | 12:30 p.m. CDT; updated 1:09 p.m. CDT, Friday, September 3, 2010

Pavan Vangipuram's article, "Complaints lead to downtown bench relocations," spurred me to ponder a very philosophical question: What is the function of a bench?

According to Columbia police and local business owners, benches are used improperly when homeless people use them and properly only when consumers sit on them. Thus, it is not the actual use of the benches that determines their proper function but who uses them.

Beneath the question of the proper use of a bench lies a more fundamental question: What is the function of a person? For police and local business owners, the function of a person is to consume. This is the law of the new Columbia, emblazoned in commandments on banners all throughout the "District": Eat. Drink. Shop. Live.

Homeless people consume, of course, but it is the wrong kind of consumption. To the extent that they are not participating in the uninterrupted flow of consumption from car to parking garage to local business, homeless people use themselves improperly. And benches become the site of this improper use of oneself.

Now we can understand more clearly not just why benches must be removed, but also why the smoking ban continues to be used as an indiscriminately applied instrument of harassment downtown. The law must eliminate people's improper use of themselves. Tarrying, sitting and pondering can no longer be tolerated in the new Columbia. And the public space which allowed for this tarrying, sitting and pondering is slowly eroded away, as parking garages rise to the sky and benches are removed to the margins.

In the new Columbia, the law offers residents, as well as benches, only a single nonchoice: consume, use yourself properly or disappear.

Landis Duffett is a Columbia resident.

Like what you see here? Become a member.

Show Me the Errors (What's this?)

Report corrections or additions here. Leave comments below here.

You must be logged in to participate in the Show Me the Errors contest.


Andrew Kapellusch September 3, 2010 | 8:00 p.m.

But what do these "Homeless" want with benches anyways?

There are three types of "Homeless": Aqualung, from the cover of Jethro Tull's 1977 album of the same name, Werewolves and Old gods, cursed to walk the earth until the time of Ragnarok.

All three have been spotted here in Columbia, and none of them have want for benches, except for Aqualung, and he only frequents the benches in parks.

Personally, I think Columbia should construct lean-to's in all of the green spaces on the Mu campuses, as cheap and affordable housing for homeless gods and students alike.

(Report Comment)
Carlos Sanchez September 4, 2010 | 5:29 a.m.

@Andrew Kapellusch they want the benches at those certain locations because they are prime pan handling spots.

(Report Comment)

Leave a comment

Speak up and join the conversation! Make sure to follow the guidelines outlined below and register with our site. You must be logged in to comment. (Our full comment policy is here.)

  • Don't use obscene, profane or vulgar language.
  • Don't use language that makes personal attacks on fellow commenters or discriminates based on race, religion, gender or ethnicity.
  • Use your real first and last name when registering on the website. It will be published with every comment. (Read why we ask for that here.)
  • Don’t solicit or promote businesses.

We are not able to monitor every comment that comes through. If you see something objectionable, please click the "Report comment" link.

You must be logged in to comment.

Forget your password?

Don't have an account? Register here.