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TIGER KICKOFF: Copeland's Corner

Friday, September 6, 2013 | 12:00 p.m. CDT

Max Copeland is an outspoken offensive guard for the Missouri Tigers. The Billings, Mont., native and former walk-on used to voice his opinions on Facebook and Twitter, but he decided to shelve social media last year. This is his new outlet.

During summer and offseason training, I ate eight times a day. If you’re hungry, you’re a few hours too late on your meal. It sucks, but that’s the rule. If you’re serious about being big and strong, you should never ever be hungry. I hate eating. I eat about a dozen eggs each day.

You’ve got to wake up in the middle of the night. Every two hours you’re eating something – 12 ounces of chicken breast, a cup and a half of brown rice and a cup of broccoli. And that’s every couple hours. My diet is the primary dictator of my social life. Everything is revolved around getting back to the kitchen.

Billings, Mont., is a special, special place. Montana is just different, dude. Anyone will tell you. It’s absolutely beautiful: mountains everywhere, constantly 70 degrees. The air is just cleaner. It’s that Northwest air. It’s all clean air coming from Canada.

We have this thing called “The Rims.” It’s a giant cliff that borders the north side of town. It was an ocean bed thousands and thousands of years ago. It’s tall. If you fell off it, you would die. As kids, we’d go to "The Rims," sit on the edge and just hang out. When you go up there at night, you can see all of the lights. It’s the prettiest place I’ve ever been.

Montana is like an island. You stay in Montana, and you don’t leave. When you play football there, the greatest thing you could do is go play for Montana or Montana State. Those are the meccas, that’s like “you’ve arrived.”

I don’t like being dictated by norms. So when I rejected that offer and decided to go on my own path, there were people who thought that was a big mistake and weren’t shy about letting me know. But I’m not bitter about that kind of stuff. I’ve got nothing but good things to say about Billings.

I called (an unnamed Montana school's) recruiting coach, or whatever, and I said, "Yeah, I decided I’m going to go to Missouri." And he was mad. It wasn’t like, “OK, see you later.” It was, “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life.” The next day, the dude drove six hours to pull me out of class. He pulled me into the guidance counselor’s office and just chewed me out for an hour. I just sat there.

He told me, “You’ll never play at Missouri. You’re making a big mistake. They’re not going to use you, and they don’t have a plan for you.” I just told him, “Well, I guess we’ll see about that.” It was kind of painful, dude. That decision was not well-received in most of the community.

We affectionately refer to (offensive lineman) Mitch Morse as “Dad,” because he’s the dad of the O-line. He’ll wear sweaters and slippers, and he talks like a dad. His mannerisms are funny.

(Missouri captain) Andrew Wilson is a character, and you’ll never know it because he hates the media. He is obsessed with being off the grid. If there was a zombie apocalypse, he could leave like that (snaps fingers) – no ties. He’s got money ready. He’s kind of nuts.

PREGAME PLAYLIST

“Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll” – Blue Oyster Cult

My dad had this Blue Oyster Cult song on a CD called “Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll.” That’s one of my anthems. That’s my theme song if I ever have a TV show after my WWE career. I was probably in third or fourth grade, and I would listen to that thing on repeat. That funky riff, dude. BOC is killer.

THIS WEEK’S CONSPIRACY THEORY

Germs don’t exist. They don’t. Have you ever seen a germ? No. You’ve seen pictures of germs created by the Dial Soap Company to sell soap. They’re also in bed with the microscope companies, who make slides so you can see germs that don’t exist.

Germs were invented by Dial Soap Company in 1921 to sell soap. That’s why I live as dirty as I do, and I’m still walking around. I’ve always wondered, “How can I shower only a couple times a week and still be healthy?” Because they don’t exist, man. I’m trying to get that theory mainstream.

We’re all drinking the Kool-Aid. They’ve got all these soap dispensers around here, making you afraid to touch people. They don’t want you connecting, because then there could be a revolt or an uprising. They want to keep us nice and separated.

I’m usually home alone thinking these crazy thoughts. I listen to heavy metal, eat chicken breasts and think about the Dial Soap Company. I’m watching the news like, “It’s all paid for by the soap company!” I’m going to be that crazy guy with a whole bunch of cats. It’s OK. I think it’ll be a fun trip to senility.

Supervising editor is Greg Bowers.


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