at the Columbia Humane Society:
A young boy, about 10 years old and seemingly shy and innocent, stands with his nose up to a cage filled with three kittens.
Mother: Have you decided which one you want to take home?
Boy: I like that one in the back.
Mom reaches into the unlocked cage and lifts up the kitten.
Mom: You picked a little boy; he’s very cute. So you know, honey, we can’t take him home today, though.
Boy: Why? I want to show him to my friends.
Mom: He has to be neutered, so he doesn’t have any babies.
Boy: Does he know that? I bet he’s upset.
Mom: Oh, he won’t be in pain. Don’t worry.
Boy: I know he won’t feel it. I just meant that a man has to keep his options open.
— Joanna Schneider
in the checkout line at Target:
Clerk: Wow! I didn’t know we sold miniature boxing gloves!
Customer: Did I buy miniature boxing gloves?
Clerk: Yeah! You’ve got two of ‘em right here! Holds up two packaged golf club head covers.
Customer: Umm … actually those are head covers. You know, for golf clubs.
Clerk: Oh, well, you know, we have so much stuff for sale here that I just can’t keep it all straight!
Customer: Well if you think this place has a lot of stuff, you should check out that new Wal-Mart!
Clerk: (Sincerely) I don’t know, Ma’am. They’d probably fire me for doing something like that.
— Kat Glass
on the MU campus:
Girl 1: Shoot, rent is due. I really hope my mom sends a check.
Girl 2: Yeah, me, too. I hope my dad puts some money in my account. I have a ton of bills to pay.
Girl 1: I wonder if you can divorce your parents.
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: Yeah, I wonder if you can divorce your parents.
Girl 2: Why would you want to do that? They support you.
Girl 1: Because then, instead of waiting at their mercy for gifts, I could just be like, “Mom, where’s my alimony?”
— Kristy Totten
E-mail the funny things you overhear to firstname.lastname@example.org.