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Establishing resolutions is the easy part

Sunday, January 2, 2005 | 12:00 a.m. CST; updated 6:25 p.m. CDT, Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I have a 10-year journal that I use to record my daily thoughts. This is the beginning of the fourth year. After reviewing what I wrote on Jan. 1 of each and EVERY New Year’s Day, I decided to change my tune.

EVERY Jan. 1, I wrote that I would lose weight that year. Then, at the end of each first day’s missive, I wrote my current weight in teeny numbers.

I just weighed myself on my brand new, super-duper scale my thoughtful husband bought me for Christmas. (Ironically, I had put it on my list, but I find it interesting that he chose the scale over the new bedspread I also requested.)

This 21st-century scale not only tells my weight, but it breaks down the poundage into the amount of fat, water and muscle. Not only do I weigh exactly the same as last year, and within five pounds of the previous two years, I now know that most of my weight is fat with just enough muscle to keep my head erect and to shuffle my feet. I could have put a note in my journal saying “see three previous years.” I could have written a fiery self-contempt epistle, shaming myself into action for 2005. Or maybe an encouraging discourse would do the trick. But I’ve decided to ignore the weight issue and resolve to work on other failings of my wretched life. (Sorry, I’m getting a little dramatic.)

So the following is my list of resolves for this brand new year:

I resolve to eat at least one green vegetable a day that is not coated with butter or deep-fat fried.

I resolve to stop going to fast food joints (especially those that know my car license). If it means I have to open a can of soup or bring my lunch with me, so be it.

I resolve to drink eight to 10 glasses of water a day. Only this time I will measure 8 ounces and not count the little paper cups I have on my bathroom sink.

I resolve to banish sugar and anything white from my pantry (i.e. bread, flour and rice.)

I resolve to walk at least a mile a day, which will require finding a pedometer that works. Further, I will stop circling the parking lanes trying to find a spot close to the mall. Once I decide to turn down an aisle, I promise to park in that aisle no matter how far it is away from the entrance.

I resolve to get out the bike and dust it off. And, this year, I resolve to actually get on it. I can’t, however, resolve to ride it a certain distance; it’s been too long since my derriere has been positioned atop that tiny little seat.

Suffice it to say, I’ll start with the driveway and go from there.

I resolve to only wear clothes that zip, button or tuck. This is a biggie! My wardrobe smells like spandex. To keep this resolve, I will have to lie on my bed to zip or button.

I resolve to use the hand-held weights that I have been tripping over in my bedroom. I will also put a pair in the television room AND the kitchen. (Note: This will not necessitate purchasing any new ones. I have weights in every imaginable style, hand-held and strap-on, and various colors. My favorite is pink. )

I resolve to throw away all “fat melting” herbs and stick to a daily multivitamin.

Finally, I resolve to read the dozen or more self-help books my well-meaning friends have given me over the years. To make sure that I have read them, I resolve to send these same friends a book report upon completion.

I know what you’re thinking: If she really keeps half of these resolutions, she will no longer have a weight issue.

It’s only the beginning of a new year, and I’m already worried about numbers one and six. Number seven may land me in the emergency room, though. But if I can change at least one bad habit that’s a good thing, RIGHT?

Stay tuned. If you don’t hear an update within a month or so, you know that I have failed. Only then can you pity me. For now, I’m off to the races — one resolve at a time.

If you have a comment or know of another resolution I should have mentioned, please e-mail me at jdh@socket.net.


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