A question of acceptance

From the locker room to the stands, is America ready for an openly gay male coach?
Saturday, July 28, 2007 | 2:00 a.m. CDT; updated 3:16 p.m. CST, Thursday, January 15, 2009
Coach Kyle Hawkins talks with some members of the lacrosse club team during a timeout in a game against Illinois in April 2006 at MU. Hawkins came out as a gay man just before the start of the 2006-07 season.

Columbia—Kyle Hawkins had just spent another 20 minutes or so being interviewed on his cell phone, talking once more about the issues that have made him an unintentional trailblazer.

Over the past year, the former Missouri men’s club lacrosse coach has grown accustomed to the interviews and his position as one of the rare insights this country has to an openly gay male coach in men’s sports. To think, last summer he didn’t see the news value in his situation.


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A little more than a year after he announced his sexuality in message-board posts on, Hawkins’ example has given rise to new questions about the relationship between openly gay male coaches and men’s sports. One day, could an openly gay male coach succeed in leading a team of predominantly straight men on a prominent stage? And if so, what would that look like?

For various reasons, the experiment didn’t work for Hawkins. He had coached the MU club lacrosse team for nine years. This spring, on May 4, team members and officials decided not to extend his contract for the 2007-08 season. They cited eight issues, including unhappiness with Hawkins’ practice regimen and reputation outside the school, as reason for his termination. He completed his tenure May 31. Previously, the team renewed his contract annually.

He finished with a 127-58 record, highlighted by a Great Rivers Lacrosse Conference championship in 2004.

Team officials have repeatedly denied that Hawkins’ firing had anything to do with his sexual orientation. Hawkins won’t speak to that claim but points to his record as coach.

Regardless, the story has become a discussion about his sexuality.

His story was featured by The Associated Press, and ESPN visited MU twice, preparing a television report.

Hawkins’ example as an openly gay male coach stands out as a rarity in a men’s sports environment that many consider one of the last bastions of machismo in America.

There have been instances of retired male players coming out, most recently with the announcement of John Amaechi, who spent five seasons as an NBA center with the Orlando Magic, Cleveland Cavaliers and Utah Jazz. David Kopay, a former All-American running back at Washington who was drafted by the San Francisco 49ers in 1964, became the first athlete from a major professional team sport to announce his homosexuality in 1975.

But the openly gay male coach dynamic lingers as a taboo topic for coaches and front-office executives in a climate where as much importance is placed upon image control as their teams’ performance on the field.

Until an example thrives on a prominent stage, people inside the gay community say only questions and hypothetical scenarios are available to explore the prospects of an openly gay male coach succeeding in the testosterone-driven climate of modern men’s sports.

In Hawkins’ opinion, there is plenty of work to be done. And he’s not alone.

“You’re going to have issues with basketball. You’re going to have issues with football. You’re going to have issues with wrestling. And I still think with lacrosse,” he says. “Those are of a different nature. They’re a lot more physical. There’s a lot more intimate contact.

“People will believe that you were attracted to a sport because of the physicality — some sort of gay eroticism. There are a lot of fundamentalist Christians — and I’ve seen this in letters written to me and posted on the Web — who believe nobody who works with children should be gay. That’s a skewed vision of gay people as sort of sexual pervert, which absolutely isn’t true.

“But to question gay people’s motives still seems excusable in today’s society. ‘What’s he doing coaching wrestling? Does he just like to see two guys roll around on the mat together?’ People tend to be that way. It lingers from this cultural and religious view of homosexuality being perverted. But we never question a straight male coach of a girls’ basketball team.”

First steps

It was September 2005, and Oregon State softball coach Kirk Walker had one final barrier to overcome.

He had never lied about his personal life, but he wasn’t overly open about it either. Walker’s assistant coaches and some OSU administrators had learned about his partner, Randy Baltimore, with whom Walker planned to adopt a child. Walker’s parents had been informed about his homosexuality two years after he met his partner.

Now it was his players’ turn.

“It brought more people into my office in a positive way than it ever did to create any kind of uncomfortable situation,” Walker says.

When Walker came out to his team, he became, according to, the only openly gay male Division I coach in the country. It’s a title he carries with indifference, claiming his new-found celebrity hasn’t changed his life, though he sometimes catches himself taken back by the significance of his situation.

“It did make me step back and say, ‘I am really the first?’,” he says. “It’s been relatively uneventful and noncontroversial. I wasn’t anticipating a lot of controversy or negativity, but I didn’t know what to expect.”

Walker coaches women, but he may provide a glimpse into what the first openly gay male coach in a men’s sport could look like: relatively low-key, far from screaming headlines and ESPN sound bites.

Given the pressures that come with coaching major sports such as football and basketball, some speculate that the first men’s sports’ example will surface in a minor program.

“Initially, there would be such turmoil,” Kopay says. “That turmoil isn’t necessarily a good thing in a locker room. It would have to be a coach with a lot of credibility.”

From locker-room interactions to the way the public may perceive a hiring institution or organization, experts say there are many potential areas of conflict for an openly gay male coach in a men’s sport. Some believe the first prominent example will happen in a program far removed from the limelight, probably somewhere in the Northeast or on the West Coast where a liberal political climate will allow for a testing ground.

“That’s where it might be easiest for a gay man to recruit and to build a program without the same kind of attention or pressure on winning, the toll it might take on him personally, in terms of stress,” says Dave Lohse, an openly gay associate athletic communications director at the University of North Carolina. “When it happens, people are going to sit back and wonder what the big deal is.

“It’s going to take someone with the talent to build a program and convince the student athletes and parents that he is a good coach and his sexual orientation isn’t necessary to his ability to do that.

“This is the next step, when somebody can do it successfully and make that transition and get through the period of time that Jackie Robinson had to go through for however many years until we were successful at integrating a sport.”

As the first black player in the major leagues, Robinson endured years of media scrutiny. The first openly gay male coach will likely face a similar test.

How would he handle the media firestorm and analysis of his every move? How would he handle potential negative reaction from boosters and alumni and fans? How would he interact with players in the locker room, a setting known more for its “Animal House” antics than acceptance?

“The biggest hurdle would be how people would act around him,” says Cyd Zeigler, co-founder of — a Web forum for gay athletes and coaches. “I talk to athletes all the time who are gay, and especially in the locker room, they are so careful about who they talk to, how they talk to them, how they touch people. Athletes get very sexual with one another in the locker room.

“If you introduce a gay person (into the locker room), then all of the sudden there’s this insane guilt-by-association argument that if you’re horsing around with another guy and there’s an openly gay man present, then you must be gay.”

Others have a different opinion, saying acceptance is possible given the right environment.

“I’m not sure if the testosterone-driven locker room necessarily translates into homophobia,” says Dan Woog, an openly gay boys soccer coach at Staples High School in Westport, Conn. “I’m not sure every football team or ice hockey or lacrosse locker room is a place where people are snapping towels and fag-bashing. I’ve been around athletics enough to know every team dynamic is different, every group of individuals is different.

“Do people say stuff behind my back? I’m sure they do. Have I ever had a player not play for me because of it? I don’t think I have. Kids will ask me about stuff on the news. They’ll talk to me about girlfriend problems. They understand it’s not about guys and guys or guys and girls. In the end, it’s about humanity.”

A different world

Lohse sees change in the near future, a day when the prospect of an openly gay male coach of a men’s team will be as accepted as a black baseball player or a female basketball star.

He points to an evolving society where negative stereotypes based on sexual orientation are eroding as gay and lesbian role models have become more mainstream. In an era when a family can watch prime-time television programs such as “Will & Grace” and “Queer Eye” together, some say it will be only be a matter of time before sports experiences change, as well.

“The change is coming,” Lohse says. “I see a real difference in how kids deal with the issue of sexual orientation. There’s not the same level of fear that I used to see. They’ve grown up in a different age of media. They’ve watched different TV shows, and gay and lesbian kids are coming out at an earlier age.”

Soon, some of those male student-athletes may enter the coaching profession and create the first wave of openly gay coaches of prominent men’s teams. Issues that have kept coaches in the closet in the past, such as shame and fear of the unknown, may become obsolete.

“The world’s changing, because more and more people know someone who is gay,” says Jennifer Allard, an openly gay softball coach at Harvard. “I think the generation that I coach handles it a lot differently than their parents. Kids are exposed to more diversity. We’re educating our kids that differences aren’t bad.”

Walker agrees. “As coaches, we’re evaluated because of how we dress, how we talk, whether we argue with officials, whether we swear, whether we don’t swear,” he says. “It’s just that none of those traits are a component of who we are personally.

“I’d say sports and military are the last two realms of perceived machoism from the male side. Even with the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, they (men in the military) are still coming out. In the sports world, we don’t have a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy and yet we still see (fewer) sports-minded people coming out. That’s why I think sports will be one of the last fields of perceived straightness that goes down.”

So for a gay community looking for its own Jackie Robinson, a perception change may be in order before progress can be achieved. For some, it can’t come fast enough.

“It’s interesting that the whole dynamic of (a gay coach’s) situation could change if that person stopped hiding who he was and started living a life that was more honest to himself,” Lohse says. “Then my question would be: Has that person’s leadership changed? Has that person’s ability to know how to coach changed? Or is the change in the perception of how other people see him? ... Why those attitudes are so ingrained in our society, I don’t know.”

But for others, the most daunting obstacle may come from within. Once a coach crosses into the threshold of the unknown, there’s no going back. And, for some, that’s scary.

“Saying those words, ‘I’m gay,’ is hard,” Woog says. “You can’t take those words back.”

Leaving a mark

A little more than a year after he became an online phenomenon, Hawkins and his legacy still loom large on the message board where it all began:

“I’m a straight Christian male who saw the piece on ESPN about Coach Hawkins. My heart went out to the guy and I hope he lands on his feet.”

Another post reads: “I am new to the board and this is actually the first time I have officially addressed this issue not only to someone else but to myself really. Just saw the feature on SportsCenter about the Missouri lacrosse coach and got the courage to come on here.”

Hawkins says he never anticipated the attention he would receive.

Jackie Robinson was hand-picked by Dodgers’ owner Branch Rickey to play his pioneering role.

No one hand-picked Hawkins. He just wanted a place to vent, to get his thoughts out. Seven-hundred forty-two replies later, he had the nation’s attention.

Little did he know he would give others reason to speculate on the future of openly gay male coaches in men’s sports.

“It’s difficult to get past the belief that being an openly gay coach doesn’t in some way jeopardize your situation,” Hawkins says.

Moments later, the interview is over. He closes his phone.

Cultures evolve slowly. The discussion continues.

And Hawkins knows that his story has become part of it.

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Steven Dulin October 16, 2008 | 4:21 a.m.

It is so unfortunate that gays and lesbians are trying to enter the world in the fashion that they are. When I was growing up, lesbian and gay was a bad word, now the word Queer is widely accepted. I associated these terms with pornography, I was never attracted tothe smell or the touch of a same sex partner. Now the gays have forced congress to remove their disease from the DSMIV, yet the gays want the same mediilical treatment as the rest of us, yet refuse to recognize their own illness. The homo's are trying to re-write the bible, I am a christian, and I would not try to re-write the wicken beliefs, I would study them and realize that is not for me, but the homo's just do not get it, they want to be christians, but don't want to participate in christianity. the homo's want children. Well then the homo's should have partners with the ability to conceive. If homo's are not part of the natural process of giving birth then why reap the benefits. When I moved to oregon, my son was removed fromthe hospital in Eugene, Sacred Heart. The excuse was I had been in a mental institution, I was supposedly on meth in this institution, and supposedly met the mother in this institution. Now I lost my parental rights. I have never been in a mental institution, NEver been arrested for drugs, I have no criminal recond, I was a contributing member of society until the lesbians bureaucrats got a hold of me. It was discovered that Laurie Campbell of DHS in NEwport oregon was a lesbian. Now I just could not beleive that a lesbian would be in charge of a process she strictly does not believe in, yet there she was. My kid was living with her relatives. My son was removed right from the hospital. I finally sued my attorney, case # 062116,

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Steven Dulin October 16, 2008 | 4:21 a.m.

the PLF paid out $25,000.00 but I still do not have acess to my kid. LAurie Campbell was adopting out several children to gays, about 30% in Oregon. When a child is adopted out to a couple, the names of the parents are removed from the birth certificate, and the names of the adoptive parents are placed on the birth certificate. Now how are you going to explain that Joe plummer is your mommy see, it says right here on the birth certificate. Seriously, I would hate having two daddies, or two mommies, but like any disease the gays ae spreading, and their children are morel likely to become gay by association, then by the mental illness that it is. The Deputy DA Brian Reymar was married to the child protective service worker julie davis, I had at least 15 people testify against me, and I had only been in newport a few months, and did not even meet one single one of the states witnesses until I was in the court room as my son was put on hold. I was constantly harrassed to sign over my parental rights and it would all go away. A terrible waste of tax dollars. I sent out several hundred letters, most of the people were not licensed, so no punishment their, but most are gone from newport now, Except Liz Mulder. Even Judge Bennett resigned two months ago. My son was born on 04-14-2003. HE was placed on hold 04-17-2003. I had got to visit him about 150 times, but never outside, only in front of a one way mirror whild being video taped, also a case worker inside the room with me. So in court I was aggetated. The lesbians kept telling me, they could not possilby help me until I admitted what institution I was in. And proved to the judge that I was in denial, refusing necessary services, and unable to be helped. So rich or influential homosexuals, really should have no access to children, and should come to church for redemption. My son's name is Blane Ackerson, Now I want to submit my script to hollywood. But please feel free to access my case number or write with any questions. Just because 10 bureaucrats can spell mental hospital 3000 times, does not make it the truth, unfortunately their is a law that comes from our mother country about suing the king, and statutes of limitations, and a 100,000 ceiling on bureaucratic law suits, but I was more interested in criminal intent, of course the state in unable to accept that their executive branch of the judicial government would do such a thing, and I do not blame them, it is an embarressment to our society. 541-981-3885
Steven Dulin SS# 540-92-3211

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