Experiences of fathers from 19 to 73

By RACHEL LAWRENCE
news@columbiamissourian.com

Name: Barry Stoll

Age: 47

Children: David, 25; Ryan, 23; Michael, 20; Adam, 17; five foster children.

After 25 years of fatherhood, most dads find themselves playing fewer games in the backyard and giving more help when their children want to buy a car or make a down payment on a house.

For Barry Stoll, those two worlds have collided.

The father of four sons, ages 17-25, Stoll’s life includes giving fatherly advice to his adult sons as well as caring for five foster children, ages 11-16, with his wife, Lori.

The couple, who have been involved in foster care for over 10 years, took in
two of the five Vietnamese siblings almost two years ago. In the fall of 2008, the other three children in the family joined the Stolls so the four sisters and one
brother could live together under one roof.

“If you would have asked me a year ago if we would have five kids right now, I would have never dreamed,” Stoll said. “It’s not always predictable.”

With his younger children, he goes to movies, swims in the pool and jumps on a trampoline. Stoll says he tries to make everything he does with the kids into a fun activity, even if it’s just going to the mall.

With his older sons, he is there to give advice and see them through adult challenges.

“We’re very much intertwined in each other’s lives. We’ve always had that closeness and now it’s even more as they are adults,” Stoll said.

One of the biggest challenges, Stoll said, was when his oldest son David spent a year with the National Guard in Iraq.

“It’s basically just living life with them through all the burdens and concerns, joys and successes. I’ve just been so fortunate as a father because my kids are all stable, happy and healthy.”

Since becoming a father at age 22, Stoll said he has learned the importance of being there for his children and the teamwork that goes along with it. Although he claims there is no magic secret to being a good father, the main goal is to point them in the right direction.

“In the years, I’ve grown to appreciate how important my involvement is in their lives and how important the team of a father and mother are,” Stoll said. “I couldn’t possibly be the father I need to be without my wife.”

Stoll also contributes his faith to the success of raising his children.

"My faith is the number one thing in being a father and teaching my kids the direction and the purpose that they have in life,” Stoll said. “I suppose I’ve learned all the more how utterly dependent I am on God for being a father.”

He said it is hard to pick a favorite stage because each age is rewarding in itself. He does admit there is usually more hard work early on. He said his grown sons demonstrate the payoff for the initial sweat and tears.

“When they’re in their late teens and early 20s, it is so enjoyable,” Stoll said. “It’s a delight of my life to spend time with them. They’re my favorite people even though they’re my sons. I love being with them all the time.”

Stoll says being a father has taught him many things, mainly about the purpose and joy in life.

“It’s all the words you hear about, responsibility, dedication, but it really does give you the opportunity to really love someone, take care of them and be there for them,” Stoll said.

“It’s everything that I ever hoped and dreamed about being a father and more."

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