No blowing smoke: This time I’ve quit

I’ve tried to stop smoking more than 100 times since I began writing this column five years ago. About 90 of those attempts lasted fewer than 24 hours. A year later, I put it in writing, announcing to the world that I had stopped. I made it one month and smugly wrote another column saying the 40-year practice was gone for good. I think I started smoking again before that column was in print.

Since then I’ve tried the patch, the lozenges and antidepressants, which I was told had a side effect of not wanting to light up. I became depressed and smoked like a chimney instead.

Then a dear friend told me about a form of acupuncture that purported an unbelievable success rate. I booked an appointment at a clinic in St. Louis. I brought a friend (a nonsmoker), and she sat in the crowded waiting room while I was escorted to a room by a woman wearing casual clothing who announced that she was a certified tech. Certified in what I still don’t know. She swabbed my ear with alcohol and then placed a rod about the size of a fat ball point pen in the bottom part of my outer ear. The rod was attached to a machine resembling a car battery. She turned it on, and I heard a loud buzz and felt a moderate vibration. She held the probe in place for about five minutes, just long enough that I was getting dizzy.

She announced that the procedure was over and told me to drink ice water whenever I had the urge to smoke. I thought the electric zapping was supposed to squelch the urge.

“You can come back for a booster, if you need to,” she said. “That will be $100; good luck.”

And with that I was dismissed. My head was spinning, but I certainly didn’t feel like my life with nicotine was over. My friend said she had talked with several of the people waiting for an appointment.

“All of them were there for a booster. What’s a booster?”

We stopped on the way home to get gas and a pack of cigarettes.

In January, I decided time was running out. I had a persistent cough, my nose ran constantly and I could barely make it up a flight of stairs. I had to stop or I wouldn’t have another chance. Then one day in February, while sitting in another waiting room, I overheard two women talking.

“Today’s my three-year anniversary of not smoking,” the one woman declared to her companion.

“Congratulations” was all the other woman could say before I interrupted.

“How did you stop?” I asked, hoping to hear something I hadn’t tried.

“I was hypnotized,” she said proudly.

“In a group?” I asked.

“No; it was one on one,” she said. “I haven’t had one cigarette since. I even carried an open pack with me for about a month.”

I called the number she gave me and made an appointment. This time I didn’t announce my decision to stop smoking. My kids and grandkids had heard it too many times and wouldn’t believe me anyway.

I won’t go into detail about the session. Suffice it to say I walked out of the office, and as of today I haven’t had another puff.

After the hypnosis session, I immediately signed up with a personal trainer hoping to stave off the usual 20-pound weight gain. I recently had my first assessment. The scale said I had lost two pounds in 10 weeks. I paid about $800 over that time; that means each pound cost me $400. The assessor was quick to point out that I had also lost 8 inches, all below my knees AND, he added proudly, because I had added so much muscle I had lost 5 percent of my total body fat. I guess that’s a good thing but muscle or fat, I still have big arms.

I have been smoke free for three months. I know from my history that my battle is not over. There have been a few times when I thought about lighting up, but the thought of going through another withdrawal almost makes me sick. More important, I remember my granddaughter’s voice when she called each week the first month.

“Are you still not smoking Grammy?” she would ask timidly after I said hello.

“I’m still not smoking,” I’d reply.

“YAHOO,” she’d scream into the phone. “That’s awesome.”

There’s no way I can disappoint her now.

If you have a comment or want the hypnotist’s phone number, e-mail me at jdh@socket.net