The price of love

Valentine’s Day is difficult to escape. TV commercials for jewelry stores show couples flashing sparkling diamond rings along with dazzling smiles to promote sales for the season. Grocery stores display pink and red roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and stuffed animals — all dedicated to the holiday. The pressure is on for couples to show their affection, usually letting their dollars speak for their hearts.

Columbia resident Lacy Cole has been in a relationship with Eric Rakestraw for three years. They’ve developed a system in which they alternate their holiday planning for New Year’s Eve, birthdays, anniversaries and, of course, Valentine’s Day. This year is Cole’s turn, so she bought basketball tickets for today’s MU–Baylor game as a surprise for her boyfriend. It may not be as romantic as a moonlit stroll under the stars, but Cole says that the relationship is “bigger than romance.”

“For our first Valentine’s Day, I told him not to get me anything,” Cole said. “Every girl says ‘Don’t get me anything.’ He took me seriously and got me nothing.”

Although Cole was angry initially, a bouquet of flowers from her boyfriend the next day smoothed over the situation.

Such squabbles are common according to Alan Strathman, a psychology professor at MU. “I think a younger couple is more likely to think it’s important to celebrate Valentine’s Day,” he said. “Couples that have been together a lot longer know that their partner does nice things for them lots of days, so it’s a little less important to them.”

Valentine’s Day spending is expected to reach $16.9 billion this year, according to the National Retail Federation’s 2007 Valentine’s Day Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey. An average consumer is expected to spend $119.67, an increase from $100.89 last year. And men are expected to spend more. On average, men are expected to spend $156.22 per person, while women are expected to spend about $85.08, according to the federation’s survey.

Why does Valentine’s Day cost men more money?

“It’s because guys are expected to (spend more), and guys know they will be in deep trouble if they don’t,” Strathman said. There is a lot of social comparison. People look around to see what other people did for Valentine’s Day and compare it with what they did, he said.

Kim Cottrell works at Tiger Garden, which sells a variety of Valentine-themed gifts, flowers and plants. Instead of buying what is on the shelves, many customers want personalized presents.

“They all come in with unique ideas,” Cottrell said. “We get asked, ‘Can you do this differently?’”

Although romance often appears with dollar signs attached, it goes way beyond that.

“I don’t necessarily feel as much pressure to spend money to be romantic, but just general pressure to be romantic,” MU student Luke Andriano said. “I don’t think the amount of money you spend directly correlates with how romantic you are, but spending money is inevitable. The real pressure is to show that you really care by giving or doing something meaningful.”

Still, not everyone buys into Valentine’s Day spending.

Recently engaged Maggie Knopf is spending her first Valentine’s Day as a fiance apart from her soon-to-be-husband, Joe Allyn. Allyn moved to Kansas City to work after graduating from MU in December. Knopf will remain at MU until they marry in June and then transfer to UMKC. For Valentine’s Day last year, Knopf and Allyn had dinner at Subway and then watched their favorite show.

“I think romance is different for everyone,” Knopf said. “To us it’s a night watching episodes of ‘The Office,’ but to others it might be a candle-lit dinner. Maybe Valentine’s Day will be something bigger when we both have money.”

Of course, a large bank account is not necessary to build relationships. Sometimes the simplest things can embody the spirit of Valentine’s Day the most. Kelley Green, a third-grade teacher, shared this example: At the end of the school day at Paxton Keeley Elementary, students have the option to exchange Valentines by placing the cards into homemade mailboxes.

“Last year I had a student make a box that resembled a hot air balloon,” Green said. She attached a helium balloon to the box and attached that to an open basket. One student even made an intricate origami folder to collect valentines, Green said. “I’ve found that this can be a great community-building activity, since students are sharing their interests and lives with each other.”