St. Patrick’s Day self-defense

COLUMBIA — Do you have friends and complete strangers threatening to pinch, poke and prod you because you are not wearing green? Follow these simple techniques to end the day without bruises and bodily harm.

If a potential pincher is threatening to attack:

Downward arm swing

When the attacker approaches, raise either right or left arm, whichever you can use most effectively at the moment, high above your head. Gravity is your friend in this instance as you thrust your arm at a slanted, downward angle. Aim for any part of the attacker’s arm, wrist or hand. This will enable you to get away, unharmed.

Kick to the hand

If the downward arm swing doesn’t work or isn’t your first choice of defense, you may like to inflict pain in your defense and be able to escape without pain.

To use the kick to the hand, you need great balance. If you want to stand on your left leg, lean back, bending your right leg and raising it high in the air.

As your potential attacker comes within pinching distance, do not hesitate to extend your kicking leg, in this case, the right leg, as you aim for the pinching hand. As soon as this maneuver is accomplished, get away as quickly as possible.

Last resort: turn and run

If the arm swing and the kick are not enough to keep a harasser away, use this promising last line of defense as the ultimate body protection: turn and run away.

(All of this is done in fun, and we wish no one to be hurt. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.)