DAVID ROSMAN: The ballot box blues

It is Tuesday morning and my deadline is tonight, so I cannot write about the election results. Many contests will be decided in the wee hours of the morning, and I do not want to stay up that late. One of the “advantages” of being over 50: I don’t need an excuse to go to bed early. My grandfather once told me that when a person makes it past 80, they can say “bastard” as much as they like with no ramifications. Can’t wait.

I voted about noon. Electronically. I found a small problem — the printer for the computer at my polling place was not printing. The volunteer poll workers knew about the situation but had not called Wendy Noren about the troubles. I strongly suggested the call. They did, and I feel better.

While I was waiting for Kathy to finish pushing the faux buttons, I started thinking about this and the 2012 elections. I decided to steal a Steve Goodman melody, “Chicken Cordon Blues,” and put my own words to it.

"THE VOTER BALLOT BOX BLUES"

In ’72, it was the war and the economy.
I couldn’t vote yet, but I knew what others could see.
Lies about Vietnam and the Watergate,
Thought to move to Canada before it’s too late.
I was standing there with those Voter Ballot Box Blues.

The first time I voted was nineteen hundred and 74.
I did not like the choices placed that I saw
For Senate and House and local candidates,
Except for taxes that would help educate.
I was standing there with those Voter Ballot Box Blues.

My crystal ball is broken, but I have one big question.
Why are candidates running against Obama and Sarah Palin?
It’s about commies, fascists and theocratic ingrates,
Wanting to save the nation before it’s too late.
I was standing there with those Voter Ballot Box Blues.

It’s Election Day, and I am going out to vote.
I know there are choices, but I don’t get the joke.
Conservatives, Democrats or Libertarians,
Maybe I’ll just hide in a grizzly bear’s den.
I will standing there with those Voter Ballot Box Blues.

The choices are pitiful, this I know is true.
There is a lot of frustration for me and for you.
Maybe I’ll vote for Pat Paulsen or Alfred E. Neuman?
Then there’s Christine O’Donnell. I just love comedians.
I will be standing there with those Voter Ballot Box blues.

I am not looking forward to elections of two thousand 12.
It will be a bitter fought war, of this I can already tell.
There will be screaming and yelling, and packed full of lies.
Nowhere on this planet would be a place I could hide.
I will be standing there with those Voter Ballet Box Blues.

David Rosman is an award-winning editor, writer, professional speaker and college instructor in communications, ethics, business and politics. You can read more of David’s commentaries at InkandVoice.com and New York Journal of Books.